i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thank you for not boning my boss.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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