just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
