i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
