btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
