she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
