Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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