Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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