Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
