mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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