Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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