then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
