I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
