i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
