Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
