I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
