Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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