you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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