I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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