The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
