No awkward lesbian experiences without me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
