I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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