Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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