i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
