so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
