i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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