Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
