We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
