note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
