O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
