I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
