i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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