Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
