Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
