You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
