I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
