I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
