oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
