I love black thongs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
