I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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