If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
