I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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