i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
