You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
