Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
