he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
