I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
