Apparently you make a good broom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
