So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We have so much sex to catch up on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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