All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
