fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
