I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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