i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm too high and old for this...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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