I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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