i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
