she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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