Don't you send me to vm
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
