I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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