but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
