Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
