i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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