i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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